Friday, 17 September 2010
I have a really good excuse for not keeping up with the blog lately: I'm pregnant. So pregnant, in fact, that I am now full-term and could potentially go into labour any day now...
I am in the process of tying up loose ends at work, searching for the right car seat, nesting like mad, and perusing supermarket aisles late at night for the kind of sweets I would normally NEVER eat...
So this is it. I am about to have a baby, become a mother, change. Things are about to change in ways that I can't foresee, and only have a sense of. I know I am about to embark on an incredible journey and I am both excited and nervous.
I've done a lot of reading, observing, listening, and asking about the birth process. I think "how" a woman births says a lot about who she is. And I don't mean what happens in a birth: whether or not she has a c-section, a water birth with dolphins, takes an epidural, or sings through her contractions - I'm talking about the response and approach she has to birth.
After everything I've read, and watched, and listened to, I came up with only one thing that I really have to do: let go. It's very interesting to me that I feel the same way at work these days, as I prepare to step away and pass over a lot of responsibilities.
I've gone on trips before and had to do lots of prep to be able to get away, but there is something very different about how it feels to prepare for this.
New Moon has been my baby for 13 years. I love my business, I love the people I work with, I love the creative upswings and the incredibly challenging downswings. New Moon hasn't prepared me for motherhood. It has made me a mother.
And now I will have a new baby, an actual human living, breathing baby. My relationship with New Moon will never be the same. I know it will only get better, and that things will deepen and get richer and juicier - but I feel a sense of loss right now.
When all my friends were taking long trips to Thailand and Europe, or partying every night, or just doing those things that we equate with freedom and youth - I was baking. Or learning the books. Or staying up all night thinking about where to move that rack, or how much longer to bake that cookie for. And maybe it sounds really boring - but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have loved every second.
Now I have to start looking at my business differently, and approaching it in a new way; much to do with how to have impact and keep things growing without being there every second. This is the mark of a true entrepreneur I think, the gateway into macro-managing. Why? So I can take the step back I need to take in order to be the kind of mother I want to be for my baby.
This is the moment I have been working towards for years, and it feels good to be here.
What's the hardest part? Letting go. Trusting. Not thinking I have to do everything myself in order for it to be done right. Do you have any idea how big of a challenge this is for me?
And yet - this is what I have to do. Let go.